Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Script to Screen - OGR

1 comment:

  1. OGR 03/02/2016

    Hi Mark - put simply, well done! A charming story effectively communicated. You engaged with feedback really really on, developed your ideas, and demonstrate a knack for storytelling. Your storyboard reads very well and demonstrates a confident use of conventions. Just one tiny quibble: in panel 8, you've got your mouse character looking left, but in panels 7, 9 and 10, the lanterns are moving right. In panel 8 is the mouse following the lanterns with his eyes? If so, you need to have him looking right in this shot, otherwise it looks like he's looking in the opposite direction (i.e. left) to the direction you've established for the lanterns (i.e. right). I think that's 'a line of action' issue. Also in your storyboard, it looks as if you intend to have the word Later appear on screen to denote the passing of time. If so, this seems like an inelegant bit of visual storytelling, particularly as text hasn't been a feature of your story elsewhere. Can I suggest you determine a more invisible means of transitioning - maybe something as simple as panning up to a blue sky (so that blue fills the screen) and then panning back down from the blue to reveal we're now looking at the blue of the poster, the camera panning down (and tracking out) to reveal the mouse as the star and the Toad looking at it. Something smooth like that anyway. We will know time has passed, because the last time we saw the mouse he was about to enter the audition, and now we're being shown he's a star.

    Your latest toad character is developing nicely! So, your film needs a title so you can begin to truly bring its visual identity into focus... I just looked it up and the Chinese word for 'mouse' is Laoshu...

    So, time to bring this world of yours properly to life: you know the drill: concept art, characters, environments, objects, 'vehicles' - and in terms of your storyboard, polish it up so it's 'client ready' - and then you should be able to re-purpose much of it as the basis of your animatic. Enjoy yourself, Mark. I look forward to what comes next.